You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard