Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.