smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
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It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
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This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.