i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
