Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
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found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."