btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.