i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
