captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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