y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
