There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
