why didn't you poke me back
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
