She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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