apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
