Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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