Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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