Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
