I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
