Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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