He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
