I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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