i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This is the high leading the old right now
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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