its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
