Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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