So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
