Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
