just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
