Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
