Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
