i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
