He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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