hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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