I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
