i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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