ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
