smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
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Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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