I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
