Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
