I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize