Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
