There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
