Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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