Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
