Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize