i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
