I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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