Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
two words: eviction party
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
