I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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