this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
