Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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