so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
