Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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