Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
