Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
