Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
