This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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