Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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