I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
