he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is wine microwaveable?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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