Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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