do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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