so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
