He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
