We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
