I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Randomize
