you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
