apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I want to fling myself into the sun
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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