So drunk its hurt
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
