I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
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Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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