It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
