She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
