oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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