If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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