They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
