They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
