But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
