Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.

Fav 10 958 3089
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(517): View more from Michigan

I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors

Fav 14 1422 5252
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(760): View more from California

don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.

Fav 23 2223 897
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(909): View more from California

I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.

Fav 5 809 1757
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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.

Fav 2 1727 772
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(312): View more from Illinois

You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.

(219): View more from Indiana

I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said

Fav 4 1332 904
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(913): View more from Kansas

Don't make emojis simulating eating me out

Fav 5 989 630
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(786): View more from Florida

I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.

Fav 0 341 414
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(613): View more from Ontario

I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that

Fav 0 34 30
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