I'm drive I can fine osifer
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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