The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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