I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
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its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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