If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
