why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
