Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
